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Subhagata
Goswami
I
wonder where my home is. And here, I mean a home beyond the concrete walls of
my abode, beyond my favourite place near the window where I can glance out at
the city relentlessly, and beyond my mother's comforting smile… These don't
need a replacement, they are my home of the highest kind.
I
often seek a home in a person. Home is warmth, home is comfort… And maybe
that's why I seek for the minor necessities: A sudden reassuring hand on my
shoulder, a gentle stroke on my head, fingers playing with my hair and fondling
the curve of my neck, a palm clasping on to mine - making me feel secure, a
gentle tug at my waist, eyes locking in to mine, the sweetest hug… where I can
finally sink into him..
I
could go on and on… And it may seem that I sound foolish here. Whereas, there
is nothing but fear… A vast ocean of fear in me… How so many want to indulge in
the taste of my lips, but not plant a kiss on my cheeks… or my forehead. So
many wish to glance down below my neck, but none seem to lock their eyes into
mine while I lose myself in conversation. So many seem to crave for the noise
of me making love with them, but never the sound of my carefree laughter. So
many want to touch me, yet none wish to hold my hand. So many lust at the
pretty pictures of mine, but not my morning face… or when I dance around with
the innocence of a kid, lost in the enjoyment of the little things. I am lost
in the efforts of pleasing so many, that I don’t remember when I was whole with
someone… my scars, my fears, my tears, my imperfections, my obsessions...all
accepted unapologetically by 'him'..
I
am scared... Maybe there is no home. There never was. There never will be.
There shall only be independent existences and unexpected moments of time
standing still… Where I seek to find comfort in someone's arms. Yet, again…
অভুতপূর্ব...
উত্তরমুছুনDaadi it's really amazing
উত্তরমুছুনdhonyyobad :)
উত্তরমুছুন